lovely buttered toast.

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post grad is such a confusing phase to be in.

it hasn't really been easy to think that everything is going to be okay, to take my time and then find myself looking around without a path to see, those random goals I wish to achieve is still a dream.

should have plan to persue my studies, shouldnt have thought of this long hiatus I've been saving money for while interning.

at the time, everything you've been dreaming of is only visualized by you, you and your freaking dream. something in reality hasn't shown you and I guess this is how it feels not to have it all figure out yet

some part of my hiatus, I do waste time. theres this one night i was heartbroken and i purposely slept the whole day and it caused me headache by the time I woke up. but I'm okay now.
well I guess I am still in progress but I planned for every tomorrows to make myself busy despite the loneliness I feel in me.

this, the phase I am currently in I have to say it isn't a 100% disadvantage. choosing myself is selfish, I always had that in mind. but I choose myself frequently in this phase. its hard to keep reminding myself that it is going to be okay but the thing is some days part of me had accepted that it isnt going to be okay but theres nothing I can do then to face it.

I hate being in this kind of blues. thinking everything had to be cepat cepat cepatttt. to get married before umur sekian sekian, to have a house, to be financially stable but the feeling I get waking up and having nothing to look forward to then randomly going out just to grab a freaking toast. it feels nice. really.

its a confusing choice that I made for myself but damn I need to stop letting choices make me yknow.
most days now despite my dilemmas, I read, I sketch alot plus had finally get the chance to really focus on fixing my car.
It just I wasn't sure if its okay to not work immediately.
I may or may not regret this hiatus in the future, this might be one of those wrong choices that I make but hey there's always something to learn from it right? and there's something about bad choices that will make you who you are.

thank you for reading thought I haven't been writing in so long. despite my planned hiatus I'm doing now I will be starting my first real job in December and yes, can't believe I'm staying in the fashion industry. I don't know if it'll suits me but I'm going to try.

akhir kata, if you re in the same phase as mine. please do have the right mindset.
maybe this time were given for you to find yourself and create the life you inspire to live. polish your skills perhaps?
also, get to know you.
theres always some new things to find out kan? and don't sleep throughout the day, it will drained you. take care of your health okay, inilah masa untuk belajar pemakanan seimbang eceh.
and do have a pleasant adulthood, I have this feeling that adulthood barangkali lebih shitty dari shit. but our parents got through it, we might as well can too.

sincerely a 21 year old confuse fresh grad but currently filing her leisure with happiness. by happiness I mean grabbing toast.

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